Seeking Prayer

Dear All,

Please pray for my family. things are not looking good and I am not privy to discuss this in the open.

Please do pray for my family that everything will be ok.
Its just one bad thing after another and it gets worse.

thanks.

Dealing With Grief

Dealing with grief due to the passing of someone close is the hardest thing.
About 6 years ago, I lost a family member to lupus. At that time, it wasn't easy for me to move on or get over the sadness in a short time.

this time, it was my grandmother's passing and for someone who has been with me all my life, it was even harder than ever.

During the 1-2 day I could still contain and only totally let loose crying when the last hymn was sung and the reality hits that I will never ever be able to see or hear this person talk anymore. Or have a conversation.

But that didn't stop, everyday after that, I would just burst into tears each time I think of her, or see something that reminds me of her. Her smile,, the questions on whether have I eaten, when will i be going back to my apt, when will be coming back. Brings me to tears each time.

I could no longer have the conversations I have with her when I am ironing clothes in her room. Where she would strike conversations like, " Not going out with your friends today?" to which I would almost always answer, " no friends lah ah ma how?" then she would say, " I will pray for you don't worry" I miss her so much and its so hard to let go.

I know its time for her to go after not being well and being 90 and all but IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER.

I am crying like a running tap at the moment while typing this.

Ah Ma I miss you but I know you're in a better place. Rest in Peace and we will meet again at that beautiful shore.....

Rest in Peace Ah Ma

My Grandmother was called to be with the Lord, yesterday - 29th of Apr @ 4pm@ the age of 90.
I am glad that she is no longer suffering. But we will all miss her.
She has been staying at my house for the last 10 years and has been a constant figure in the family.

Rest in Peace Ah Ma (Rosa Chin)

Its My Birthday!!!!

AND
I can cry if i want to
Scream if i want to
Laugh if i want to
go crazy if i want to
MUAHAHAHAHAHA

some people

some people think they are better than others.
some people think they are above others
Lest they forget they are also just human
Earning a salary to survive
Well.. My God is above all...
Justice will prevail...
you maybe of the same faith, and I am sorry to say you're just a disgrace to all of us of the same faith.
Some days i do wish you burn in hell
or die in a plane crash which you're going to board soon.
But above all, I pray and ask God to help me able to forgive you and give me peace once more.

1 more Week to the dreaded day!!!!

1 more week to the dreaded day... :(
i dread it
i dread it
i dread it...

:~~~~~~

Being a Zombie and JetLag

Since I got back home, my bout of jetlag had been terrible. Its getting better now but still am not totally recovered.

After being 2 weeks in Houston, I was so ready to come home. do I miss it there? Not really. But one thing tho' that irks me is the political scene. Its just all pure BS. That one thing I like about the US and miss, at least their political scene is not as comical as they are over here.

I also miss the shopping but then again i don't earn in USD. I wish i was, then I could shop till i drop. I will blog more about my trip soon enough. Yeah yeah i know I always say that.

The only thing on my mind these days is I am turning 3X another year older and closer to another age group. The fear has been relentless. I wonder tho' whether I should just accept the fact that I will never be able to have a family of my own or have children of my own ever and then just move on in life. Its a sad fact but all possibilities are leading this way. To tell you the truth, I never imaged my life would ever be this way. EVER!

I guess in a way I do feel like a loser in life.

Back Home....

I am back home.. Arrived today after such a long long journey...........

will post more later. Jet LAG big time.. but i have to walk it off.. cannot sleep now or else tonite I won't be able to sleep.

See you in 2 Weeks

I am off for 2 weeks not for pleasure but for work.

see you in two weeks. Everything worked out on that bad decision. So now I hope its smooth all the way to the land of opportunity....

Happy Easter in advance.... I will be spending Easter on the flight back home....

One Bad Decision

I have been beating myself up about a bad decision made last week. Nothing major lost, just precious time.

I prayed and said to God I am sorry for the lazy bone in me which caused me this trouble.
Now i pray I can still get a slot next Tuesday as thats the earliest time I can get since all appointments for this week is totally gone...

Sorry Lord, but please still help me get in for Tuesday the 9th..... Amen...

Ways to work it out

So we had a long weekend. What did i do? Nothing. Logged in on Friday with the goal of doing some work, ended up having a headache. So plans were abandoned.

then yesterday, my colleague cooked for us bei ji chicken, and he is a guy and of a diff race sommore but he so much more domesticated then the 3 girls he invited over to his place.

So in order to reduce some of the anxiety of going to work tomorrow, I shall be working later today ( in the afternoon) to clear at least my logs so that next week I can concentrate on more important things.

I have to say my sleepless nites are back to haunt me. I don't know if its the job, its me, or whatever.

But i do hope i will find a light at the end of the tunnel real soon. Coz this sleepless nites thingy is definitely going to elevate my BP .....

Anxiety Amounting

This always happens when my vacation is coming to end or even during the weekend esp on Sundays. Anxiousness appears when I am about to get back to work. Is work my problem? or it how I look at work which is the problem?

I am so scared of the huge amount of logs which I have to start reviewing and also not to mention my team member who kept calling me when I was vacation. I have to prep for Tuesdays which I filled with meeting from morning until afternoon.

I think I need a focus outside of work. And not let work be the only thing in my life. Maybe have a personal Goal??? You think?

Pray pray for me.. I can feel the palpitation of the heart going faster and faster.

What Chu Doing?

This sentence : " What Chu doing" keeping on playing in my mind since yesterday.

I was at home at the hall while my little niece was watching the channel nickelodeon - Phineas and Ferb. There is this other character in the show call ISABELLA (and my niece is called Isabel). Isabella kept saying this when she meets people " What chu doing" What chu doing" hahahahaha

This morning that's whats been playing on my mind and I kept repeating it over and over again verbally too. So CUTE!!!!

WHAT CHU DOING?! ( with a sing song tune)

Does Internet Makes you Depress?

According to an article I read in the New Straits Times - Life & Times, yesterday, apparently its so.

I was searching high and low for this article to share with you guys. Finally I found it.

I just wanted to say that, I find some of the facts true. I use to think why everyone else has such nice and dandy life especially when you start reading their blogs. Their lives seems to be so fulfilling esp those living abroad while your life here just feels rotten :) .

Keep an open mind, read this , I think there might be some truth in some of the points stated.

Credit to the http://www.dailymail.co.uk

Yes, the internet DOES make you depressed (and I've seen it happen to far too many clever women)

By Dr Pam Spurr
Last updated at 1:36 AM on 12th February 2010

• Comments (119)
• Add to My Stories

Anybody meeting my client Anna for the first time would be forgiven for thinking she has a perfect life. She is 29, slim, attractive, well-educated and rapidly climbing the career ladder as a solicitor with a dynamic City firm.

Yet her whole demeanour is nothing more than a well-constructed facade.

Rather than spending her evenings at the latest fashionable restaurant or gossiping over cocktails at a trendy wine bar, Anna instead spends up to five hours a night on her laptop - obsessively tracking the lives of her ex-boyfriend, old friends and acquaintances and work colleagues.

Many people are attracted to leading a second 'life' on the internet

When she isn't glued to Facebook, Friends Reunited or blogs, she is trawling through gossip websites.

At weekends, when Anna has more time on her hands, it's not unusual for her to devote seven-hour sessions to her voyeuristic monitoring of people she is convinced are all leading more exciting and fulfilling lives than she is.

So, when I saw the Daily Mail report last week on new research linking addictive internet use with depression, I wasn't in the least bit surprised.

More...

• Internet 'rewires our brains' and makes teenagers vulnerable to mental illness
• Google Buzz launched in bid to topple Facebook and Twitter

The study found that spending too long online can expose a 'dark side'. Those who didn't previously suffer from depression were made to feel gloomy and vulnerable, and those who did often logged off feeling worse.

Sadly, it confirmed a growing trend I've witnessed first-hand over the past ten years in my work as a life coach and agony aunt.

Because, in line with this research from the University of Leeds, I too have discovered that people slip into the murky realms of 'chasing' after a life - of sorts - by surfing the internet for longer and longer periods until it dominates their moods, behaviour and life.

There appears to be a direct relationship between spending more time online and feeling less happy about life, as well as an increased risk of addiction to the internet.

Let's be honest, though, when most of us think of the stereotypical sad and lonely person who gets addicted to surfing the net, we think of a geeky man who probably doesn't have refined social skills or a high 'desirability' rating. He seeks solace in vicarious thrills such as pornography or visiting tawdry chat rooms.

But, in my experience, the people who are falling victim to internet-led addiction and depression are smart, savvy, career women like Anna - and the damaging effects of spending increasing hours online are far more insidious than you can imagine.

Anna initially consulted me about a relationship issue - she'd been finding it hard to get over the man she called the 'love of her life', who'd broken up with her a year earlier.

Many people slip into the murky realms of 'chasing' after a life - of sorts - by surfing the internet for longer and longer periods until it dominates their moods, behaviour and life

It soon became obvious to me that she was spending too much time on the internet. She confessed that the more time she spent on social networking sites, the stronger her desire grew to keep up with how everyone else was spending their time.

With complete honesty, she said it seemed a darned sight more interesting and fun than what she was up to.

The irony was that she wasn't contacting these people but, instead, compulsively following them. Anna said she hadn't wanted go out with friends because she feared she'd bore them by droning on about her break-up.

Unfortunately, by isolating herself, she compounded the root of the problem, further damaging her fragile self-confidence.

The further irony is that you can never trust the way people depict their social lives on such sites.

Yet someone vulnerable like Anna will fall for it hook, line, and sinker.

Stalking ex-boyfriends and former friends on social networking sites such as Facebook is becoming increasingly common

You might think it extraordinary that she wasn't actually contacting people she knew - choosing to simply watch their lives play out across the pages of a site.

But this fits in with the pattern of emotional detachment that many who spend too much time on the internet begin to feel: that they're no longer part of this vibrant community and are increasingly isolated from real life.

Anna was also embarrassed about spending hours on celebrity gossip sites - previously she'd never even have considered buying a celebrity magazine. However, she found herself getting engrossed in various stories about the rich and famous.

What was the upshot of all this time spent on her laptop? I'll tell you - she was feeling even worse than after the initial break-up, and with a growing loneliness that she said she'd never experienced previously.

She described it as like an ever-increasing 'black hole' inside of her. The more she tried to fill it - by seeing what was happening in other people's lives - the bigger it grew. Yet Anna hated it when she couldn't spend as much time as she wanted to on these sites.

Like Anna, another client of mine, Ellen, a 42-year-old divorced, stay-athome mother of two young children, experienced feelings of withdrawal - anxiousness, panic and rising anger - when she was prevented from looking at sites she spent a tremendous amount of time on. (This was usually three or four hours non-stop during the day once she got the household chores done, and then logging on again for a few more hours once her children were tucked up.)

When so many seemingly capable and sensible women are being sucked into a nightmare of prolonged internet surfing, it's hard not to conclude a serious problem is developing in our increasingly fractured society

For instance, when one of her children was home with a prolonged case of flu in late autumn, constantly interrupting her computer time, Ellen became short tempered with him. She felt dreadful about it later.

Although she originally consulted me about developing the confidence to go back to work, her unhealthy obsession with the internet became the focus of our conversations.

Again, Ellen would strike you as a well-presented and elegant divorcee who probably had to fight off potential suitors - but nothing could be further from the truth.

Although she was fascinated by dating websites, she surfed only the profiles of single men, plus those of other single women who she saw as her 'rivals' - and rivals she felt ill-equipped to compete with.

This doubly damaged her chances of getting out to meet someone and building her confidence to get back to work. She even started to shy away from occasional invitations from old friends to meet a suitable single man they had in mind for her.

Ellen confessed that she'd panic, thinking there was no way they'd like her after the 'amazing women' she'd seen on singles sites.

When so many seemingly capable and sensible women are being sucked into a nightmare of prolonged internet surfing, it's hard not to conclude a serious problem is developing in our increasingly fractured society.

Another case in point is Sarah, 31, whose overuse of the internet started with that very sense of detachment from her normal group of friends, after moving cities for a promotion in the television industry.

Arriving in London having been based in Wales, Sarah was initially excited by the prospect of a new job in a new city. However, long working hours meant she was so shattered when occasionally she had time off, that she rarely took advantage and went back to Wales.

If you end up out of touch with your friends, and too busy to make new ones, it's all too easy to hunch over your laptop for hours at a time.

She found herself trawling fashion and social networking sites. She'd peek at what her old friends were getting up to, and also what her new colleagues were doing in their spare time - and felt incredibly lonely.

Then Sarah would hit the fashion websites and spend much of her salary on clothing. Of course, the brief high she got when new outfits arrived in the post disappeared as soon as she thought about the fact that she had nowhere to wear them.

Obviously, the internet has transformed the way we communicate and has some tremendous benefits, but it will never be a substitute for real relationships or for seeking face-to-face solace in difficult times.

The common thread linking these women was a set of circumstances that damaged their self-esteem and confidence in their own unique way.

For anyone who finds themselves in similar shoes, there's much you can do - as these women all eventually did - to halt a soul-destroying search for 'a life' on the internet.

The first thing is to reconnect with someone you trust and let them know you're lonely. Then it's important to start spending time with people you like. It may mean reconnecting with old friends or developing new friendships.

Either way, it's about recognising how much you've isolated yourself and how your journey back to being part of a social group - even a small one - will be your salvation.

The big stumbling point for many women who end up in a solitary world of the internet is to have the courage to go back to the drawing board and 'reboot' their lives not only socially, but by setting limits on the stresses they place on themselves.

When your days are a little less punishing, you're less likely to seek stress relief in some supposedly 'harmless' internet surfing. Only then will you realise a real life is always more rewarding than a virtual one.

Names have been changed.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1250074/Yes-internet-DOES-make-depressed-Ive-seen-happen-far-clever-women.html#ixzz0fqilVBU7

Ang pow

Best part of CNY, the angpows or the red packet.

I guess alot of the givers would just wish I will get married so they can stop giving me the red packet heehhee. Maybe then they should start praying that I will find someone to get married to.

As years pass tho' I guess my chances gets slimmer and now closing down to the number ZERO chances...

Anyways.. here is the loot for the year 2010 :)

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday. Since I was on leave I went to Mass morning with my mom and brother. Yes, mass was at 6am! So we had to leave home around 5.45am.

Today marks Lent.
Abstinence from Meat..... today....

Now we were reminded, from dust we came and dust we will return... some day in the future. And a symbol of cross made from ashes placed on our foreheads.
The ashes are from the old palms burnt. Palms from Palm Sunday - the year before or many2 years before... donated by the congregation...

Time to sleep....

Dripping in Brand vs $$ in the wallet

I forgot to mention. While I was at the clinic on the second day of CNY. There was a girl there who got in while i was waiting for my turn to see the dr. Early 20s I guess her age was.

She came in bearing a LV bag and took out her prada purse to give the lady some medical card. She was also dressed to the nines.

I went in to see the dr and waited for my medication. Then in she went.

While I was waiting for my medication, the nurse called her to the counter. I guess the nurse must have informed her how much it was blabalbaa. There was some conversation which I couldn't hear. AT one point when i could hear, i thought i heard she asked the nurse whether she could pay by card and flip out one. The nurses just laughed. I guess next she must have asked to borrow the phone. yeahhhhh.. thats rite.
Coz the next moment I know, i saw the nurse handling to her the phone receiver.

She yapped away in mandarin.

So... would rather be dripping in brands or would you rather have money in your wallet. :P

Kong Hee Huat Chai....

SO its the the Chinese New year once again. Today marks the 3rd day of Chinese New Year. Chinese are very superstitious in way. 1st day no sweeping of floors. No uttering of bad things. Everything good can only be said. Must wear RED.

Well I only celebrate the traditions of CNY not really the other parts of it really. So since I don't quite like RED. I din wear red on 1st day of new year :) I was bz helping mom fry fry all the unhealthy stuff like sotong balls, fried chicken... fried sausages.. hahahaa. Just pakai baju rumah aje lah.

While all the happy happy mood around. I also want to share something unfortunate which happened. My cousin who's the same age as me, last year gave birth to a down syndrome child. He has a hole in his heart and alot of other health aliments. He got sick few days before chinese new year hence my cousin couldn't make it to our house this year. he was in the ICU. He went back to the Lord on the second day of CNY which was yesterday. But i think its for the better in a way rather them him suffering all his life.

I came down with Respiratory Track infection on the 1st day of CNY and went to see the dr yesterday. I don't think i am any better but the medication does help with the nasal congestion.

That's what been happening this CNY.

The Story of CS

I was thinking about writing about this along long time ago. :)
but just didn't get to it. Ain't going to go into detail about it either.

But stay tune for the story of CS!!!!

:D

When Will the Blues stop singing

The Blues have been singing again. It just won't go away. Sometimes I wonder tho' what can I do.

Blues blues go away!!!!!

Aiii.. how to go away hor. when everyday I am plagued with issues. I feel stupid, as a TL I need to do kuli job... Review bloody 6 logs everyday where each logs can go up to 5K pages.Mondays are even worse 3*6 thats 18 bloody logs. Bodoh job. Bodoh. Tersangat bodoh. Becoz of this, I have to come back work.. do the ACTUAL work at nite. Stupid i Tell ya TOTALLY STUPID...

The only thing that keeps me going is that i get salary at the end of the month. I see others who are worse off than me, then I say to myself I am lucky.